so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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