Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
