i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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