Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
