I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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