Define "chronic" masturbator.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
