im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
