he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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