so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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