i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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