he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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