thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
