yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
