When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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