I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
