dude i'm inner monologue high
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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