dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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