The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
