the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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