So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
