I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
