I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
