in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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