A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
