I'm lost and stupid without you.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
