I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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