Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
