OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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