he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
