I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
