I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
