He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
