Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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