lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize