do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
