Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
