bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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