i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
