His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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