Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
