you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Sober January is a disaster.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
