I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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