wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
