She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
