Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
