He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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