dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
