I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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