I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
