Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize