We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
