I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
