Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
