i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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