I cockslap morals
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
