I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
