is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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