Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
