If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
