Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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