I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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