return my video game
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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