i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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