What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
