i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
