1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
