So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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